Domestic Violence: Recognizing Abuse, Finding Safety & Supporting Survivors
Domestic violence is about more than physical violence. It is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner or family member. Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, income, background, or relationship status.
Sometimes abuse is obvious. Other times, it happens quietly behind closed doors and may be difficult for others to recognize. Understanding the signs can help us recognize when someone may need support—and can remind survivors that what is happening to them is not their fault.
Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse can take many forms. Some common warning signs include:
Physical abuse: Hitting, kicking, pushing, choking, restraining, or causing injuries.
Emotional or verbal abuse: Constant insults, humiliation, intimidation, threats, or making someone feel worthless.
Controlling behavior: Dictating where someone can go, who they can see, what they can wear, or what they can do.
Isolation: Preventing contact with family, friends, coworkers, or other sources of support.
Financial abuse: Controlling money, preventing someone from working, taking their paycheck, or creating financial dependence.
Technology and digital abuse: Monitoring phones, messages, social media, location, passwords, or online activity.
Threats: Threatening the survivor, children, pets, family members, or themselves.
Sexual abuse: Pressuring, forcing, or coercing someone into sexual activity.
Using children as control: Threatening to take children away, using children to deliver messages, or making threats involving custody or parenting.
Gaslighting: Denying things that happened, changing the story, or repeatedly making someone question their own memory, judgment, or reality.
One of the most important signs is fear. If someone is constantly changing their behavior because they are afraid of how their partner will react, that fear deserves to be taken seriously.
Leaving Safely Takes Planning
Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous and difficult times for a survivor. It is not always safe—or possible—to simply walk out. A personalized safety plan can help someone think through what they may need while they are still living with an abusive partner, when they leave, and after they are gone.
Every situation is different. The safest plan is one created around the individual circumstances of the survivor.
Steps to Consider When Planning to Leave
1. Tell someone you trust.
If it is safe to do so, let a trusted friend, family member, coworker, advocate, or other safe person know what is happening. Establish a way to communicate if you need help.
2. Create a safety plan.
Think about where you could go, how you would get there, who could help, and what you would do if the situation becomes dangerous. A domestic violence advocate can help create a personalized plan.
3. Gather important documents.
If it is safe, consider securing identification, birth certificates, Social Security cards, financial information, medical records, insurance information, school records, legal documents, and important paperwork for children.
4. Prepare essential items.
Consider keeping medications, keys, clothing, money, important phone numbers, and other necessities somewhere safe and accessible. A trusted person may be able to hold these items for you.
5. Plan for children and pets.
Think about where children and pets can safely go and who can help care for them. Children should know that their responsibility is to stay safe—not to intervene in violence.
6. Protect your finances and technology.
If possible and safe, set aside emergency money and consider opening accounts in your own name. Be aware that phones, computers, location services, email accounts, and social media may be monitored. Use a safer device when seeking help if you believe your technology is being monitored.
7. Document abuse when it is safe.
Photos, threatening messages, medical records, and written records of incidents may be useful. Never put yourself in greater danger to collect evidence.
8. Know where you can go.
Identify a safe home, shelter, hotel, trusted friend, family member, or other location where you can go if you need to leave quickly.
9. Consider legal protections.
A domestic violence advocate or legal professional can explain available options, including protective orders, custody concerns, housing, and other legal resources.
10. Plan for after you leave.
Safety planning does not end when someone walks out the door. Depending on the situation, survivors may consider changing locks and phone numbers, changing routines, notifying schools or workplaces, and keeping legal documents readily available.
If Someone You Know Is Experiencing Abuse
You don't have to have all the answers to help someone.
Listen without judgment. Believe them. Avoid telling them what they must do. Leaving an abusive relationship is complicated, and actions that seem simple from the outside may increase danger for the survivor.
Instead, ask:
“How can I help?”
Offer to help them find resources, make a safety plan, provide transportation when it is safe, keep important documents or belongings, or simply be someone they can call. Respect their choices while reminding them that they deserve to live without fear.
KTG Foundation: Building a Safer Community
At KTG Foundation, we believe that preventing domestic violence isn't only about responding after someone has been hurt. It is also about education, awareness, support, and creating a community where people know the signs of abuse and know where to turn for help.
A neighbor who recognizes the signs.
A friend who listens without judgment.
A workplace that takes concerns seriously.
A community that supports survivors instead of blaming them.
These things matter.
Together, we can help create a community where no one has to face domestic violence alone.
If You Are in Immediate Danger
If you are in immediate or life-threatening danger, call 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides free, confidential support 24/7 by phone, chat, or text.
National Domestic Violence Hotline — Safety Planning & Support
For Tennessee resources, the Tennessee Coalition to End Domestic & Sexual Violence lists a 24-hour statewide domestic violence hotline: 1-800-356-6767.
Tennessee Coalition to End Domestic & Sexual Violence
If someone is monitoring your phone or internet activity, consider using a device they cannot access when looking for help.
